Mirror Talk, I Wish I Could See You

Some days I remember the way you broke me down, yet I miss you anyway because I have to let you go when I am currently loving you at the most 💔. I don’t quite understand it myself, I feel a little bit lighter now that I can little by little stop re-reading our old message. I guess that some way, somehow, I still value the lighter moments like the times I could see your smile or hear your voice even I have never had a single chance to see you in real life. I still have yet to master the art of forgetting. I don’t think I ever will, but I digress. I want to thank you. You filled my nights with a level of sadness I never felt before but I never regret the decision I made of loving you. And now that you’re gone, there are people filling the empty spaces you’ve left that love me better than you ever did. They caress my heart lovingly, unlike you who dropped it carelessly even though I completely understand the reason. Losing you brought me to them, so I want to say thank you. And even if you might not care much for me these days, I still wish you the best.
I'm here wishing you an earlier birthday wishes, I hope you enjoy your big day, full of happiness and love. I am now too afraid to text you anymore, too much plan I have made for that, too much time I spent to wrote a letter for you but it's okay.
Maybe in some other lifetime. Or somewhere down the road we might meet up at the right time and I will give you the letter I have wrote. Have a good life :)

Sincerely,
Samantha

A Shattered Soul

For you who have gone :
I miss you. I really do in the sense I never had you in real life, not even a second. I never felt your lips touch mine, or your heart beat loudly as I lay on your chest. These are things I've known I'll never be whole without you - things that leave me missing you. Missing the thought of what we could have been. Missing what we never were
You know what? You have made me lose half of my spirit, you have made me think I am worthless but it's okay, I completly understand the reason you are gone.

On the nights that I miss you the most, I will think about you. I will think all of you, from the times you said "apa kabar" to the times you left me
On the nights that I miss you the most, I will remind myself that whatever is happening right now, is supposed to be happening right now
On the nights that I miss you the most, I willl find my strength
I will feel
I will cry
I will scream
I will go to the laboratory doing another project
I will be out of breath
I will write a new narrative
I will find acceptance alongside hope
I will find my breathe
I will let myself be where I am - fully
I will remind myself that morning will be here soon and I will have come one more day closer to the nights where I no longer miss you